Monday, May 23, 2011

Any Man of Mine




"Any Man of Mine" - Shania Twain



Come on' girls (and guys if you're reading)!!! Sing with me!! I know you all are awake past 2am, listening to Shania Twain, while your husband snores the whole house down!!

Who else is up blastin' hee haw country in their headphones at this time because they decided to take an 8 pm nap for almost 2 hours? I know I am!!

It was such a BUSY weekend!! More work than play...so I decided to have my own little party right now! :) I covered all of my boss' shifts over the weekend, while he was out! I spent most of my time, scrubbing, mopping, vacuuming, taking a trillion, take the trash out trips and feeding 3 stray office kitties 8 tons of cat food. I went to bed at 10:30 Friday night! (This happens maybe once a year). I finished almost all of the offices Saturday, came home and all I wanted to do was relax on the couch with Steve. Sunday morning we woke up early and helped our friends move into their new house. Steve was a sweetie and put on his SuperMr shirt and helped me finish my last few offices afterwards...and a couple hours later, I konked out! Man, I respect my boss even more...I don't know how he does it!!

Backtracking to Friday...we had our doctor's appointment. I have to say out of all of them over time, this had to be the most funny, awkwardly embarrassing appointments of them all! After our visit, Steve said, "Are you going to blog about this? hahaha I know you are...with a devilish smile!"
Yes, Steve...Yes I am...it is too mortifying and hilarious not to!

and NO everybody, get your mind out of the gutter...I didn't toot on my Dr! ;)

Friday, my famous "peace" picture before the Rn or Dr enters

It just so happens this little skit tells the details of our visit and the funny story all at once...


So ladies, we all know the routine at the OB or RE...

Rn - "Ok hun, undress from waist down and I'll be in shortly"

Steve sits down in seat on left side of me

Me -(As always)undress at the speed of light and hop onto bed/table, grab the neatly folded square that is my paper blanket and throw it over me, scoot my butt down, bc if you don't, we all know the dr is going to tell us to anyway...feet in stirrups, hands crossed on stomach and wait for the Rn to come in

Rn - enters room, turns light off, stands to right of me,"Hi, how are we doing today?" chit chattin away, as she knows us well now...starts my normal internal ultrasound to check my follicles to see size and when to expect ovulation. tells me which side is "on vacation" and which is active

*I surprisingly have 2 possible eggs on my left side and ovulation looks like it will be around Tuesday! Great, considering I'm on no meds again! I have always had internal ultrasounds...even when pregnant, because when I was in 1st trimester, the only way to see anything was with that o so lovely lil' attractive wand ma jiggy that I sometimes wonder, if gets more action than some hubbies do!? ;)

Ok, so this is where I start to get really, REALLY confused...

Rn - finishes measuring the follicles on screen, starts printing out pictures, puts the wand ma jiggy away (which has always been her cue to leave and mine to get dressed) But no, she then says, "Ooo wait, I'm so sorry...I forgot...I need to take a picture of your outside for the Dr"...literally says, "your outside" (maybe I should have understood but I didn't LOL)

Rn then hands me another blanket that is folded into a square (so imagine, it's pretty DARN BIG)...she then says, "here, while I get set up, I'll give you this to wipe off with" and turns to the corner where I imagine she's whippin up a batch of craziness!!


Me - thinking to myself, "MY OUTSIDE???!!"..."What does she mean my outside?!!" "Wait, is she really going to take a picture of my...(we'll go with HOO HAA...I don't care for the "V" word) HOO HAA??!!"...look over at Steve and his face matches mine...HUH??! with big smirks across our faces!


*Ok, I'm totally laughing out loud so hard right now while I write this!

Me - in a matter of 20 seconds, think to myself, "WHAT IS SHE DOING??????!!!!! Is she loading up her lil' polaroid camera to take a pic of me, down there!!?? Is she going to file this photo in some sick little Trapper Keeper of patient's "outside photos"???? and I guess this blanket is to wipe off all the 5,975 lbs. wand ma jiggy goo that's leftover??!...because I really need a blanket, not a tissue to wipe, right??!!"

SO...with the Rn's back to me...and a feeling of helplessness...

I sit up, look at Steve, shaking from trying not to bust out laughing and then...
with my tushy shakin in the wind, I half stand up and use this human sized sheet of paper to "wipe myself"...AWKWARD! WEIRD! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? looking at Steve, cracking up!! steve dying laughing covering his face, like what's about to take place here? thankfully, it's at least somewhat dark...

Rn - turns around, me wiping away and she busts out laughing and says, "OOOO Noooooo hunny, that is for your tummy...I need to take a picture of your uterine lining and was going to do an outer ultrasound so you wouldn't get that pesky wand again...and I wanted you to be able to wipe off all the gel afterwards. But you can use it for that too!" MORE LAUGHTER

Steve - Slaps his hand loudly to his forehead, shakes his head and dies in laughter!!!

Me-OOOhhhh OOOOO OOOOOOO(remember that hyena witch cackle I mentioned before?) imagine that in FULL EFFECT!
I'm pretty sure the women in the waiting room were terrified of what was going on in our room!! It didn't sound pretty!

I think Steve must have imitated me at least 20 times this weekend!!!

I laughed myself the whole way home!

I AM A DITZ...I admit that 100%...but even Steve agreed, he had no idea what was going on and thought the same thing as I did!

ok, maybe we're both ditsy!
Thank you to that "Man of Mine" for laughing with me and not at me...or maybe a little bit of both :)

phewwww I LOVE pictures, but those I can definitely do without, THANK YOU!

Wow...ok, deep breath...


to rid your mind of everything that just took place, I thought I'd add this picture I took @ one of the offices this weekend...mr. squirrel was thirsty.


So after that whole shindig, we talked to our Doctor. He told us to come back Monday (today) and we will do another ultrasound so see if ovulation will be on Tuesday or Wednesday, like he expects. We are going to do another IUI(our 4th, so far) and are hoping that those 2 eggs both release. He told us to "take care of business" this weekend in hopes to cover all our bases and to use ovulation tests so we could really keep an eye on things. Grrr...I hadn't used them in almost 14 months because of how crazy they can make me and was proud of myself. I took the doctor's orders because deep down I agreed and I'm feeling aggressive. I purchased this $22 box of fun...(hey @ least it comes with a free digital hpt)

I used to use digital ovulation tests and after chatting with a few ladies about their experiences, I took the recommendation, that bc I was so close, it would be better to see progression leading up to it rather than possibly miss it all together with the digitals *thank you, katharine! :)
it's working!
when the line on the left gets closer to matching the line on the right, it means it's time to get to work!! when it matches or is darker, it's reallly time!! the top test is my Sunday morning and the bottom is Sunday night...getting darker!! :)
I never feel anymore that I need to use them because our ultrasounds tell us the exacts but because it could have come early over the weekend, the doctor didn't want to chance us missing it.

We have our appointment later this morning and I will definitely update once we have our IUI, sometime this week!

I'm looking forward to this week...getting stuff taken care of and the long holiday weekend! The beginning of the 2 week wait, which I will be nice n busy for. thankful for some good laughs now, that I might be needing again, in the near future!

sleepy, relaxing Sunday night w/that "Man of Mine"...we look tired!!

Ladies, next time you're at the dr's, remember...just say no to "outside photos"!!
I'm sure Steve and I...AND our Rn, will be laughing a bit later! If you hear a witch cackle, you know where it's coming from!! :)

Twinkie doesn't mind a photo. he has no shame...this picture is from last month but it is too perfect for this post!


HAPPY HAPPY MONDAY!

Much Love to YA!!

ladies, any funny or humiliating ob/re stories you have, feel free to share or email me them :)


<3

10 comments:

Mrs. E said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing =) It's good to see the humor in all this... Wow, I can't believe you're about to enter the 2WW again. I'm praying that both follies look good today...and sending lots of baby dust! Thanks again for the laughter, Maria!

Diana said...

Hi Maria! Thank you for joining my blog! Omg I read this on my way to work this morning (I do van pool) and I was laughing! I love this. I look forward to following you on your journey! How exciting! Sending you lots of good vibes! :) by the way... I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE that u love country music as much as I do! Yay!! You had me singing any man of mine in my head! Lol.. And Landslide... Ugh.. Classic!!

Have a wonderful day! =)

{{{Kelly}}} XtOphY Design Studio said...

MARIAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN JUST SEE YOU!!!!!! hahahahahahahahha! Oh my gosh! I would have thought the SAME THING! Who says that at an appt like that!?!?!?!? Oh my gosh! You are so funny. I'm thinking about you today, and look forward to chatting with you later. I LOVE that so many people are supporting you through this. Text me <3 MUAH!!!!!

Rachel said...

That was to funny! Thanks so much for a good belly laugh on a Monday morning. I know how you feel about the internal ultra sounds that's all they can use on me when I am pregnant. Good luck this week, sending baby dust your way!

MrsV said...

OMG way too funny!!! I was reading thinking "what the heck are they takin that pic for?!" lol

Good luck this week! And thanks for thinking of me :) your so sweet!
I've been slacking on my blog the past week partially because of nice weather and partial because I've been fairly busy.
<3 V

Maria said...

@ Mrs E- thank you for the well wishes! i'm glad you got a little laugh! :) omygoodness, who would have thought such a thing would take place at an r/e appt!? i hope you are doing well and everything's coming along for you this wk after your appt! <3

@ Diana- thank you so much!! i am very excited to follow your journey and share our love of the best music ever together ;) lol it isn't often i hear someone loves country as much as me! :)
ps-love your cowgirl boots! lots of hope and faith! <3

@ Kelly-hahahahahahahahahahahahaha omygoodness, my little squirrel...i love u and had so much fun catching up today!! i always laugh some more after getting off the phone with u! hope the "bath" went well!! xoxo

@ Rachel - babydust right back at ya! glad you had a great appt. today! :) it's nice to know i'm not alone w/all the internal u/s and hope we both get to move on to the "outside" ones soon ;)
<3

@ Mrs V- glad you've been enjoying the nice weather! i'm glad i'm not the only one who didn't understand what my rn was talking about! haha! o boy!
wishing you a great week!! <3
ps-can't wait for idol!

Maria said...

First off- Thanks you for the laugh! I needed that! Hysterical! Second, I have to share my "wand" story. As one of early u/s with my first baby, I was commenting on the "wand" since I am no good at keeping my thoughts to myself. The technician then told me that she had a patient ask if her husband could insert it for her. How about that?! LOL And it loos like we are cycle buddies as I am due to ovulate tomorrow (Tues.) as well!! Best of luck to you!

Maria said...

Maria, ohhh my goodness LOL hahaha i am cracking up! i can't believe someone would ask/want their husband to insert the wand for them!!? wow, i hope for comfort and not pleasure...EEEKS! i will have to share this w/steve! he will laugh! :) thank you for sharing! makes me feel a little less silly for my mishap!
i am due for wednesday ovulation :) hope this is our month! lots of luck to you <3

Kelsey Harrington said...

Oh Maria! How hysterical. I'm sure I've done something embarrassing like this before. :) Kyle (my husband) got the most worried look on his face the first time he ever saw that magical wand... he also said "I hope there is a condom big enough for that" - which there is. Nothing like some laughter to brighten up a situation!

Have fun BD'ing this week! Catch that egg girl :) My 2ww starts tomorrow... got my 50 wondfo's all ready to get pee'd on.

Maria said...

kelsey, LOL at what your husband said and that you called it magical - love it!! :) I know...don't you love how they put one on the wand beforehand!!? thank you so much for the well wishes! i'm wishing you a quick but great 2ww and a bfp to end it :) ooo wondfos are great! a friend recommended me those a few months ago and i blew through a box of 25 like it was my job! lol
much love and luck, <3
maria

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